Once upon a time I was more of a worry wort and always wanted to maintain full control of everything. It wasn’t something that can be overcome in one night, but is a gradual process of realizing that no matter how much we would like to have control of this world we are in, we alas, cannot control anything outside ourselves and for most of us, even one’s self.
See that person who just cut you off in traffic? Did it make you angry? You have no control over how bad or clueless that driver is and who knows, he or she may be having a one of those days that we all have at times. Have a job interview tomorrow or some other event you really want to go well? Work hard in preparing and planning it, but leave it at that. We can worry and try to anticipate every possible thing that happens in the event and your every possible response to it. The reality is that no matter how much you think this or that will happen, often times for me, I realized everything I thought up in my head, only happened in my head. We almost have to do what is kind of an over done phrase “Live in the present.” Easier said than done, I know. As with everything, it takes practice.
When one meditates on a regular schedule, that is getting to somewhat of a calm state of mind and then moving into a mode where we label things that we think about. I am not talking about continuing the narrative in your head, but more of a simple mental note like “I have a control freak mind” or “I have a controlling mind” or “I have a worrying mind.” It is strange to be doing something like this, because we would think that we already know our mind is in this state, but you are merely training yourself and your mind. When you are in a calm state of mind, also make a mental note “I have a calm mind.” With enough practice, even outside of meditation, you do a mental note when you notice what is going on, and you will snap out of it, but also, when you are stressed or feeling this worrying come about, you can say “I want a calm mind,” and eventually you will be able to recall that mind state. This can work wonders when trying to go to sleep at night, as it seems many minds worry about the day’s events or tomorrow’s events and often take forever to fall asleep.
I will leave with you one last thing, a story that is often told about our tendency to want to control things. Once there was a man in a small boat fishing, when all of a sudden he sees a much larger boat coming towards him rather fast. He starts screaming and yelling at that boat, but it keeps progressing towards his boat. The boat eventually runs into his boat and destroys it. The man then realized the boat was unoccupied. Many of us are like this man, rather than us moving our boat into safety, we would rather get angry and scream at others to move their boat.
Blessings,
